24. aug. 2009

Painting Love

"Painting is a most sincere way to describe yourself and your life. What you put down with a brush always has an honest subconscious layer. When a person paints she remembers a feeling. When you ask a person to paint love, you ask him to show his most personal inner self. I believe that through Painting Love, we will see something important in ourselves.

Painting Love is remembering love."

Painting love is A street art project on film and canvas, by:
Bjarke de Koning, Director; Mads Grymer Ejstrup, Writer; Julie Abrahamson, Editor; Jonas Drotner Mouritsen, VFX & Graphic; Esben Heick, Illustrator
Rasmus Poulsen, Musician; Martin Møller, Musician

20. aug. 2009

Grief, Sensitivity and Beyond

Perhaps love and the loss that comes with it might still seem like a source of pain that we could avoid if we were determined to. In a way we can. After a trauma around love or attachment, we often build a defense that overrides instinct (a defense that may be an instinct of its own) that keeps us from really loving anyone again. It doesn't make us very happy, but it does in its way limit future grief, even if it causes a different kind of ongoing grief.

Most people spend a lot of time in therapy or couples counseling whittling down whatever fear of loss they have that is based on the past. That could seem like a dumb idea, fostered by optimistic therapists who tout love without mentioning its cost. Why not leave the defense alone? Because the defense doesn't really work anyway. If we try to stop our love impulse, it just sneaks out and attaches itself to the most awful choices. So as with love, so with grief - almost the only thing the ego can do is "go with it," perhaps steering a little bit but not doing much more.

From August 2009: Comfort Zone ONLINE Copyright © 1999-2008 Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.


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